I’ve been mucking around in the garden! Bumble knee deep in manure as he fills his time

I’ve been mucking around in the garden! Bumble knee deep in ripe manure as he fills his time during coronavirus lockdown

  • He has been busy in the garden and applying Tricky Dickie’s finest manure 
  • Sky Sports commentator should have been covering England in Sri Lanka
  • Dom Bess was man of the match as England came out on top in virtual first Test
  • Coronavirus symptoms: what are they and should you see a doctor?

It’s all pretty surreal now, isn’t it? Things have certainly moved on apace since last we spoke and I just hope everyone is staying well and doing the right thing.

What have I been doing? Well, gardening has been very much to the fore and my wife, Vipers, is an avid viewer of the QVC television channel where Tricky Dickie Jackson is their resident gardening expert.

Dickie’s latest special offer is super manure — and I can confirm it’s really good s***. So to get my exercise I’ve been turning over the garden and applying Tricky Dickie’s finest. It’s got quite a pungent smell that Dickie reckons is like dark chocolate but I can’t say Cadbury’s Bournville came to mind when I took a whiff of it!

Bumble has been busy in the garden this week and applying Tricky Dickie’s finest manure

I also got out for a round of golf and was just getting my game going when my club, Bramall Park, had to close. Our group were ultra-sensible. Nobody touched anything belonging to anyone else, there was no flag in the hole for us to touch and we kept a good distance apart. I wasn’t allowed in the clubhouse either as I’m over 70 — and that was fine.

At times like this we all need a bit of community spirit. Our friends Phil and Shelley have been terrific in dropping our essentials off. And my mate Matt from Fleetwood has been an absolute gem in supplying us with some wonderful fresh fish straight off the boat.

Matt sells his produce from a mobile van all round Cheshire and he dropped off to us at 6am on Wednesday. It’s people like him and his Ocean Wave one-man company who keep you going at a time like this.

The Sky Sports commentator should have been in Sri Lanka this week covering the first Test

The Sky Sports commentator should have been in Sri Lanka this week covering the first Test 

We’ve still got to have a bit of fun, dear reader, and there’s been plenty on social media to provide me with a chuckle or two. What about that lad who decided to have a net in his house? He was dressed in just his underpants and all his cricket gear and when he took a quick single it became apparent he’d soaked his kitchen floor so he could slide into his ground!

I couldn’t resist giving him my umpiring verdict by raising my finger as he didn’t ground his bat and then I pointed out he’d run straight down the middle of the pitch so that’s five penalty runs to the opposition. And he had far too much advertising on his pants, in contravention of ICC regulations, so that’s a demerit point! He needs to be careful not to get any more or he could be out of the series!

Of course, I should have been in Sri Lanka this week so I was grateful to Sky statistician Benedict Bermange for staging a virtual first Test in Galle instead. And it was victory for England on the final day with Dom Bess man of the match. I’m looking forward to the second virtual Test in Colombo now to see if our boys can win the series!

Dom Bess was named man of the match as England came out top in a virtual first Test in Galle

Dom Bess was named man of the match as England came out top in a virtual first Test in Galle

Don’t miss the fabulous posts from Somerset’s Jack Brooks, a great character of the county circuit and a grand lad, who has been running a quiz on Twitter where you have to guess the cricketer from clues he sets. Really clever stuff. Keep them coming, Jack.

I had better get back to my garden and then me and Vipers have got some games lined up for tonight. Snakes and ladders is a timeless classic. I don’t care how old you are, have a go.

And I’m eagerly awaiting an online delivery of Totopoly, a horse racing board game where, believe it or not, you can have a bet! That’s my racing fix sorted.

So keep yourselves occupied, do what the experts tell you to do and don’t forget your social distancing or, as we call it at Sky, doing a Nasser Hussain.

Until the next time…

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