Chrissy Teigen pens a heartbreaking essay about losing son Jack

Chrissy Teigen lost her son Jack only weeks ago and has quietly been dealing with the pain ever since with the help of her husband John Legend.

On Tuesday the 34-year-old supermodel opened up about her heartbreaking ordeal in a brave essay posted to Medium.

‘I had no idea when I would be ready to write this. Part of me thought it would be early on, when I was still really feeling the pain of what happened,’ began the cover girl as she detailed her loss and how the kindness of strangers has helped her recover.

Sharing: Chrissy Teigen lost her son Jack only weeks ago and has quietly been dealing with the pain ever since with the help of her husband John Legend. On Tuesday the 34-year-old supermodel opened up about her heartbreaking ordeal in a brave essay posted to Medium 

She added, ‘I thought I would sit in the corner of my bedroom with the lights dimmed, just rolling off my thoughts. I’d have a glass of red wine, cozy up with a blanket, and finally get the chance to address “what happened.”‘

What happened is she he gave birth to her third child, a son named Jack, stillborn after severe complications four month into the pregnancy.

Teigen explained she was on her downstairs couch in a blanket after a morning of friends and fried chicken.

‘I’m reading off countless notes from my phone — thoughts that have randomly popped up in the weeks since. I didn’t really know how I would start this, no matter the room or state I was in, but it feels right to begin with a thank you,’ she said. 

She needed to share: 'I had no idea when I would be ready to write this. Part of me thought it would be early on, when I was still really feeling the pain of what happened,' began the cover girl as she detailed her loss and how the kindness of strangers has helped her recover

She needed to share: ‘I had no idea when I would be ready to write this. Part of me thought it would be early on, when I was still really feeling the pain of what happened,’ began the cover girl as she detailed her loss and how the kindness of strangers has helped her recover 

The catwalker said flowers and notes from fans have meant a lot to her.  ‘After we first lost Jack, I found myself incredibly worried that I wasn’t able to thank everyone for their extreme kindness,’ she shared.

Many shared ‘incredible personal experiences,’  books and poems. 

‘I wanted to thank everyone, share our story with each individual person. But I knew I was in no state to. For me, the “no need to respond” note was such a true relief. I thank you for each and every one of those.’

Her struggle: She added, 'I thought I would sit in the corner of my bedroom with the lights dimmed, just rolling off my thoughts. I’d have a glass of red wine, cozy up with a blanket, and finally get the chance to address “what happened."' What happened is she he gave birth to her third child, a son named Jack, stillborn after severe complications four month into the pregnancy

Her struggle: She added, ‘I thought I would sit in the corner of my bedroom with the lights dimmed, just rolling off my thoughts. I’d have a glass of red wine, cozy up with a blanket, and finally get the chance to address “what happened.”‘ What happened is she he gave birth to her third child, a son named Jack, stillborn after severe complications four month into the pregnancy

Loss is a challenge: The catwalker said flowers and notes from fans have meant a lot to her. 'After we first lost Jack, I found myself incredibly worried that I wasn’t able to thank everyone for their extreme kindness,' she shared

Loss is a challenge: The catwalker said flowers and notes from fans have meant a lot to her. ‘After we first lost Jack, I found myself incredibly worried that I wasn’t able to thank everyone for their extreme kindness,’ she shared

One of the standout moments was when she went through the halls of labor and delivery, and John saying “What, is there a f***ing party going on here??”’

‘I was about to fully deliver what was supposed to be the 5th member of our beautiful family, a son, only to say goodbye moments later. People cheered and laughed right outside our door, understandably for a new life born and celebrated. You kind of wonder how anyone is thinking about anyone but you,’ she said.

‘At this point I had already come to terms with what would happen: I would have an epidural and be induced to deliver our 20 week old, a boy that would have never survived in my belly (please excuse these simple terms). 

‘I was previously on bedrest for over a month, just trying to get the little dude to 28 weeks, a “safer” zone for the fetus.’

Happy family: Chrissy and John tied the knot in Italy back in September of 2013, and they share daughter Luna Simone, four, and son Miles Theodore, two

Happy family: Chrissy and John tied the knot in Italy back in September of 2013, and they share daughter Luna Simone, four, and son Miles Theodore, two

Difficult pregnancy: She went on to say her doctors diagnosed her with partial placenta abruption. 'I had always had placenta problems. I had to deliver Miles a month early because his stomach wasn’t getting enough food from my placenta,' she said

Difficult pregnancy: She went on to say her doctors diagnosed her with partial placenta abruption. ‘I had always had placenta problems. I had to deliver Miles a month early because his stomach wasn’t getting enough food from my placenta,’ she said

She went on to say her doctors diagnosed her with partial placenta abruption. ‘I had always had placenta problems. I had to deliver Miles a month early because his stomach wasn’t getting enough food from my placenta,’ she said.

‘But this was my first abruption. We monitored it very closely, hoping for things to heal and stop. In bed, I bled and bled, lightly but all day, changing my own diapers every couple of hours when the blood got uncomfortable to lay in.

The star said she became an adult diaper expert.

‘I was truly appreciating the brands that went out of their way to not make me feel like an actual shitting baby,’ she said. 

Hard time: 'But this was my first abruption. We monitored it very closely, hoping for things to heal and stop. In bed, I bled and bled, lightly but all day, changing my own diapers every couple of hours when the blood got uncomfortable to lay in,' she added

Hard time: ‘But this was my first abruption. We monitored it very closely, hoping for things to heal and stop. In bed, I bled and bled, lightly but all day, changing my own diapers every couple of hours when the blood got uncomfortable to lay in,’ she added

‘I could have spent these days at the hospital, but not much of a difference would have been made,’ she added. ‘I was still seen by doctors at home, silently twisting their negative words into positives, thinking that everything might still turn out okay,’ she added.

Finally, she had a ‘pretty bad night’ in bed, ‘after a not-so-great ultrasound, where I was bleeding a bit more than even my abnormal amount.’

The bleeding was getting heavier and heavier. ‘The fluid around Jack had become very low — he was barely able to float around. At some points, I swore it was so low I could lay on my back and feel his arms and legs from outside my belly.’

After a couple nights at the hospital, her doctor told her the bad news.

Before her loss: The bleeding was getting heavier and heavier. 'The fluid around Jack had become very low — he was barely able to float around. At some points, I swore it was so low I could lay on my back and feel his arms and legs from outside my belly.' After a couple nights at the hospital, her doctor told her the bad news

Before her loss: The bleeding was getting heavier and heavier. ‘The fluid around Jack had become very low — he was barely able to float around. At some points, I swore it was so low I could lay on my back and feel his arms and legs from outside my belly.’ After a couple nights at the hospital, her doctor told her the bad news

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