How Kate and William help their three children feel ‘valued, listened to and secure’

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge use modern parenting techniques to help their three children feel ‘valued, listened to and secure’ in their most recent family video, parenting experts have revealed.

Kate Middleton, 39, and Prince William, 38, posted a short clip to the Kensington Royal Instagram page showing themselves enjoying the great outdoors as they thanked supporters for sending ‘kind messages’ on their tenth wedding anniversary.

Joined by their three children – Prince George, seven, Princess Charlotte, five, and Prince Louis, three – the clip gives an unprecedented glimpse into their family life.

They are seen embracing the company of their children in co-ordinated casual wear as they climb the sand dunes on the beach in Norfolk, sit around the campfire toasting marshmallows in the countryside and play in the garden of their Anmer Hall residence. 

Speaking exclusively to FEMAIL, Tanith Carey, author of ‘What’s My Child Thinking? Practical Child Psychology for Modern Parents,’ said: ‘The clip shows that Kate knows exactly what to do to raise a new generation of emotionally intelligent royals.’

The author continued: ‘Kate is passionate about the importance of the early years in laying a strong foundation. She is known to be highly knowledgeable about child development in her personal campaigns – like the 5 Big Questions survey last year – and it shows.

Noting that the clip not only goes back to the basics of the royal brand by stressing the importance of family and outdoor living, she also says it goes back to basics on parenting.   

‘Kate has got so many things right here’, said Tanith. ‘For one thing, there’s the emphasis of free outdoor play. It’s in these moments of exploring nature that kids learn to think of themselves as independent beings who can make their own decisions, and learn what they are capable of. 

By running, jumping and lots of rough-and-tumble games, like the chasing and rough-housing we see here, children also build physical strength, and spatial awareness and how far to go.’

The author went on to note how Prince William and Kate also got the children involved in making a fire outside – so they could toast marshmallows around it.

‘Rather than thinking it’s too dangerous for small children to get near a flame, they are allowing their children to work out what’s safe with some gentle risk taking,’ she added. ‘When children learn skills like this, it helps them feel competent – and also confident – across all areas of their lives.’   

Georgina Durrant, who is the author of ‘100 Ways Your Child Can Learn Through Play’, noted how the royal couple adapt their posture throughout the video to subtly show their children that they care.

‘They come across as loving, caring, modern and present parents that parent with positivity and fun,’ she explained. ‘You can see by the way they are smiling, giggling and playing together with their children that they believe in the importance of play.’ 

Georgina also highlighted how they mother-of-three gets down to the children’s level when she talks to them. 

‘This is a wonderful way of helping children to feel valued, listened to and secure,’ he said. ‘This could be referred to as Active Listening and it shows them that she is listening properly to what they are saying and she cares. 

‘As a parenting technique it can help children to feel confident in themselves and in talking about their feelings. It’s all about getting down to their level, giving eye contact (maybe a hug too) and stopping anything else you’re doing.’

She continued: ‘Often parents will use this technique to also repeat back to the child what they said to show that they heard them properly and were listening. It can be a really powerful technique in forming strong, trusting relationships between parents and children.’

Tanith agreed and added: ‘We see both William and Kate really listening, holding eye contact with Louis and getting down on his level. This creates a feeling of connection between parent and child.

When a child feels liked and valued by parents, this builds their feelings of self-worth for a life-time.’

She continued: ‘I also love the fact there are no screens in sight to interrupt their bond or stop all of them living in the moment. Over all, the Cambridge’s are also shown here to be a very close family where there are lots of hugs and physical affection.’ 

Georgina went on to say that it’s evident the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have balance in how they choose to parent.

‘They appear to have brought their children up with trust and love – helping them to feel confident to have a go and take risks, but being there for support if they need it,’ she noted.

‘They strike a perfect balance of being hands on when needed but also allowing their children the freedom to try now experiences and take a few risks. 

‘It’s important for children to take some risks, within limits, to help them learn for themselves, feel confident and also learn from any mistakes they might make.’

The author added that the royal couple are modelling a good relationship to their children.  

‘One thing that really struck me was the beautiful moment in the video where they found time to sit together as a couple too, smiling and laughing together,’ she continued. 

‘Not only is it important for parents to have time together as a couple too but by doing so they are also being strong role models for their children for what a loving, secure and trusting relationship should be like. Which may help them when they are adults themselves.’

Author Tanith, whose book What’s My Child Thinking? Practical Child Psychology for Modern Parents, with Dr Angharad Rudkin, is published by DK, agrees.

‘Prince William and Kate seem to be both equally closely involved – and well connected – with all three children, not leaving it to nannies,’ she explained.

‘A parents facial expressions are also very important to how young children feel about themselves – and Kate and William’s warm smiles will also signal to their children that they are valuable and accepted. 

‘Physical closeness like the kind we see here also triggers the release of feel-good chemicals like oxytocin.’

‘This will help create a feeling that all is well in the world for George, Charlotte and Louis, boosting their brain development and lowering levels of stress hormones like cortisol, helping them to bounce back when they do hit setbacks.’ 

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge chose London-based filmmaker Will Warr to capture their tenth anniversary video montage, who has created branded content, corporate films and ads for big brands including Tesco, Diageo, Red Bull, Uber Eats and Puma. 

In one scene during the video, the couple can be seen exchanging a joke as they sit on hay bales, while in another, Kate can be seen placing her hand on her husband’s leg, with Princess Diana’s famous sapphire and diamond engagement ring gleaming on her finger.

Meanwhile, Prince William can be seen chasing after his youngest son Prince Louis and daughter Princess Charlotte while they scream with joy.

Elsewhere, Kate giggles as she runs after a smiling Prince Louis around the garden at their Norfolk home.

The video ends with Prince George and Princess Charlotte crouched by the fire with toast marshmallows positioned on the end of their sticks.  

Dr Kalanits, who is a psychologist, author and founder of The Village, said the royals demonstrate their strong connection using non-verbal gestures throughout the montage.

‘This is a lovely video showing a very strong sense of connection between the family,’ she explained. Lots of non symbolic connections (touch, hugs, eye contact) which is very powerful to the human nervous system. 

‘William and Kate are being playful which is wonderful. You get a true sense of the joy of outside activity- enjoying nature and the basic beauty in it – it’s very grounding and a joy to watch. 

She added: ‘Obviously all families with young children will experience challenges / ups and downs, but it is moments like this that truly count and balance the challenges of young family life, especially one in the public eye.’