One woman understands better than anyone the depth of the wound Gareth Southgate still suffers from missing the penalty which kept England from the Euro 96 final a quarter of a century ago – his mother Barbara.
Her initial reaction after the match was ‘Why didn’t you just belt it?’ – an unguarded comment that became infamous soon after she made it to the reporters who descended on the school where she worked.
Whereas England manager Southgate believes leading the team to victory in this year’s Euros might go a long way to atoning for his penalty miss, his mum remains mortified by that heartbreaking moment at Wembley on June 26, 1996 – and her unfortunate public comment that followed. She has never spoken to the Press since.
Barbara Southgate was a dinner lady at Pound Hill Middle School in Crawley, West Sussex where her son Gareth had been a pupil
Gareth Southgate, pictured back left, was always keen on football when he was at school
To those, like me, who attended the school where she was a dinner-lady, this was totally in character. To us, she was simply ‘Mrs Southgate’ – the ever-present face at Pound Hill Middle School, Crawley in West Sussex, where Gareth had also been a pupil ten years before.
A salt-of-the-earth, kindly woman who had a streak of strictness, she was not averse to ‘standing out’ those of us who pushed our luck in the playground at lunchtime. She was also a classroom helper, assisting any struggling child with huge compassion.
Bursting with pride over her son, she gave tickets to boys so they could watch him play at Crystal Palace.
That was so typical of Mrs Southgate – the consummate pillar of the community who we’d see walking to school, clutching her shopping bag with a large smile.
Once she brought Gareth to the school summer fair. He took part in a rounders game where he was caught out first ball – something fondly remembered by my step-brother, Dominic, who was on his team.
Gareth may have been known as a multi-talented sportsman thanks to his ability at rugby and athletics, as well as football, but rounders was clearly beyond his considerable skills.
Southgate’s penalty miss has haunted him ever since. Just last month he said: ‘Nobody can know what that feels like. People used to poke their heads out of vans and shout things at me in the street. I had a 20-year playing career but I was only ever remembered for that one moment’
Last week the wider world got an insight into the values instilled in him from an early age.
In an open ‘Dear England’ letter to fans, he poignantly outlined his sense of personal and national pride.
He said his ‘identity and values are closely tied to my family and particularly my grandad’, adding: ‘He was a fierce patriot and a proud military man, who served in the Second World War. The idea of representing “Queen and Country” has always been important to me.
‘My grandad’s values were instilled in me from a young age and I couldn’t help but think of him when I lined up to sing the National Anthem before my first international caps. My belief is that everyone has that pride.’ Rarely does a football manager speak with such humility and intelligence.
Southgate had a comfortable upbringing just a few hundred yards up the road from me in a modest, detached house with mum Barbara, his father Clive and his younger sister Michelle – a very good high-jumper, I recall.
When word got around that our most famous old boy was getting married – to air hostess Alison Bird – at my local church, the excitement levels were so insane you’d have thought Robbie Williams had rocked up in town for a meet-and-greet.
His background is often pejoratively described as ‘middle class’, but Crawley, a stone’s throw from Gatwick airport, isn’t exactly the kind of town where dreams are nurtured.
Southgate went on to play 503 games for Palace, Aston Villa and Middlesbrough – and getting 57 England caps
Yet Gareth gave us hope – and as his career grew, so did our dreams. If he could achieve something in life, so could we.
As well as sharing a primary school, Gareth and I both attended Hazelwick Secondary. A fairly typical comprehensive and proud of its racial diversity, which at the time seemed progressive.
Hazelwick’s motto, Effort Achieves, which was sewn on to our gaudy royal-blue blazers, serves well for England as the team plays its first Euros match today, against Croatia at Wembley.
Our maths teacher at secondary school, Mrs Stoddart, often regaled the class with stories about Southgate, saying what a delightful pupil he had been and how he had ignored teachers’ pleas to turn down a contract at Crystal Palace and do A-levels instead.
‘He was far too clever to play football,’ she would say. ‘He should have stayed here, he would have gone to university, you know.’ Ironically, the teenage Southgate’s youth team manager at Crystal Palace, Alan Smith, feared he would never make it as a footballer.
He once told Southgate: ‘You’re too bright to do this job. You have to f****** toughen up, otherwise you’re no good to this football club, no good to yourself, no good to anyone. As a travel agent or an estate agent, you’d be perfect. As a footballer, no f****** chance.’
Manager and player eventually made up, with Southgate going on to play 503 games for Palace, Aston Villa and Middlesbrough – and getting 57 England caps.
Despite such a successful playing career, his name, however, will forever be associated with that penalty against Germany
Despite such a successful playing career, his name, however, will forever be associated with that penalty against Germany.
I was a 15-year-old doing my GCSEs at the time. On the June morning following that shootout it felt as if a black cloud was hanging over each of our school’s three buildings. The mood was sullen.
Inevitably, the media gathered outside. For our part, we crassly asked our PE staff if they had been responsible for teaching Southgate how to take penalties. For, whoever did, hadn’t done a very good job.
We were told off the next day in assembly – a memory which always makes me giggle.
Sadly, Southgate’s penalty miss has haunted him ever since. Just last month he said: ‘Nobody can know what that feels like. People used to poke their heads out of vans and shout things at me in the street. I had a 20-year playing career but I was only ever remembered for that one moment.’
There would be no better way to mend 25 years of hurt than if Southgate, now 50, led England to become European champions on the same Wembley turf on July 11.
If he does, his mum Barbara – sorry, Mrs Southgate – should be able to put her own demons to rest, too.